Could it be that the journey to Bethlehem is paved upon the
road of our own DNA?
28 years ago, my world as I knew it fell completely a part. The dam broke and rivers of tumultuous emotion from the depths of my being began crashing through into consciousness. With these came the devastation and complete demise of the survival structures created thus far at age 18. Waking life became a journey saturated with unexplained terror, traveling through an unknown and very much underground wilderness. The people in my life went on around me, their structures still very much intact, as I began the deep sea mission through caves of murky unformed parts of self, long left by the wayside and now wanting to come back into wholeness. It was very much a journey to the depths to retrieve everything lost, to restore the genetic material of my DNA into the light-being in matter that was the true intention of this birth. “Talk about your fixer upper!” It was a mess. A mess of scattered unrecognizable pieces laced with self repellence, unforgiveness and terror of being known. Well the good news was that the light had finally broken through and the bad news was that: yes, the light had finally broken through!. But now, I was the mother of all these pieces, and it was my task to somehow return them all home to the beautiful pristine re-combination they once new before the fall into separation.
Looking back now, I see that throughout this whole journey
there have been and still are, two main tasks to accomplish: 1) the task of restoring and aligning the
potential genetic material of self and 2) the journey to find a place in which
this potential can be nourished to its full flowering. Now after studying and
experiencing something called “Peak states” work which highlights in utero
experiences and their effect on psycho-spiritual development, I know that these
two themes are the first 2 major tasks a spirit faces upon entering matter:
conception and implantation. While conception achieved to its fullest is
experienced as a sacred marriage between the masculine and feminine ( sperm and
egg) and a glorious exchanging of this core genetic material, implantation
involves finding a place on the mother’s womb wall for this seed to have a
space to be nourished and to grow to it’s full potential. Here, you, the seed,
find a place to put down your roots and experience your mother joining you in
partnership to bring forth the maximum potential of your genetic material,
providing the most optimal environment possible to carry out the plan of your soul’s recipe and enabling
the most full expression of you into matter.
Well, Suffice it to say, my experiences of both conception
and implantation were pretty disastrous, the church got bombed at conception
and there weren’t no room at the in at impantation. Otherwise, everything was
just fine. So at 18 when all hell broke loose, I was back in the womb for a
do-over to get it right the second time. to both achieve successful conception
and successful implantation and in a very real sense, become the womb that
would house this 24 year process of second birth. No wonder I was not able to
get it right the first time! For the journey, I would become both the mother
and the embryo growing within my own womb, living in the topside and the
pre-birth world at the same time, forced to make sense of both for neither
would be denied. The pressure to make money to support the outside world would
be rivaled only by the demand to provide nourishment for the growing embryo.
The task has been and continues to be daunting. The only way to feed both parts
of self is to find a way to earn money that actually contributes to –the
upliftment, healing and continued growth of the embryo. This is really where I
am right now as I write these words. And I believe that this is a place where
many of us find ourselves right now, living in a world who’s structures reflect
separation and very compromised levels of light, how do we feed this precious
embryo of light within us that craves such joy and light
To begin to answer
this question, I want to share a marvelous dream that I had.
In the dream I was a
human embryo and from my naval, there was a chord reaching out into the
universe to connect with the cosmic mother. The chord was made of living
butterflies!! I woke in awe to realize that my process of seeking place was
actually occurring on 2 levels at once. While my pre-birth self was struggling to find my
birth mother’s womb wall, my 42 year old self was, at the same time, desperately
reaching out to find the womb wall of
the Cosmic Mother. Then I realized that all of us at this time are, in
one way or another, having to tune into this cosmic mother. She and she alone
can tell us our place in the larger plan. Without her our life feels as lost as
that fertilized egg floating in oblivion of disconnection to it’s birth mother,
We, like that egg, are in need of the instructions for where to go and what to
do that only our cosmic mother has, telling us our roles in birthing the body of
her magnum opus. The next great birth in our cosmos.
I want to go back to my
dream for a moment and share the magnificent multi colored vibrance of the
butterfly umbilical chord.: my umbilical
chord was actually made of huge bunches of living gorgeously beautiful rainbow
colored butterflies braided, thick rows of them forming the spiraling chord
reaching up into the black void of space to join with the cosmic mother. It was
so magnificently awesome. I love the butterflies being the actual material of the
umbilical chord: they the creatures of metamorphosis, they, whose new form only
rises out of the old form’s complete surrender, they who wait in darkness as
their previously held bodies are rendered into formless goo where the imaginal
cells are enabled to achieve the correct alignment that yields the new and
glorious creature of flight. There is so much to learn from the butterfly, the
veteran species of death and re-birth, the one who knows intimately the process
of surrendering to higher intelligence to be fully remade.
Like the butterfly’s journey, this is a time of great
pre-birth and formlessness, often appearing chaotic and even senseless and
cruel. These are chaotic times that we feel and see inside and out. But if we
can hold onto the bigger picture and always remember to recover the knowing
that a much grander intelligence than we is at work here and it is making
something marvelous, perhaps we can begin to lay back and allow ourselves to
surrender to the process, knowing that we are being re-made in a form that is
truly useful to the divine intelligence behind it all. To do this we must open
to let ourselves be guided by forces that may seem alien and often times will
take us right into the jaws of the dragon, right into our deepest pain, And this
is absolutely where our higher self most wants us to go in order that we feel
what we have been resisting and re-member the rejected parts of self back into
our beautiful hearts, bringing light to the darkness and darkness into the
light.
This is the work of the divine mother we are all being asked
to become. We are all like Mary, carrying our bundle of wounds and pains
pregnant with our own rememberment to birth the Christ child within. Only, from
our partnership with the divine can we birth the structures that will be the
vibrational match to quell our own specialized appetites and our own totally
unique strands in this great web that remembers the new earth. Each one of us
carries a potential life form that is the highest answer to the divine’s call
to birth heaven on earth. This is how we, in our small lives, can partner hand
and hand with the divine intelligence to transform the present day grid (
expressing largely in fear and separation consciousness) into the new grid
(that will be the living expression of unity consciousness and celebration,
governed by divine love and reverence for all of life.) So, in a sense we are
like Mary traveling through the darkest night, but unlike Mary in that we are
truly pregnant with our own homes: homes made of love, light and beauty, ;homes
fashioned from the beauty that we have recovered and will continue recovering
in the days to come from out of the darkest night; homes fashioned out of the
incredible mother-love that it has taken to gather, again and again, the broken
pieces into the central fires to come home. Each time achieving a more perfect
order, each time coming to the devastation and bringing the incoming wounded
into the heart to be polished so lovingly and washed so pristinely clean by our
tender tears; homes brought into existence by our hunger for what is beautiful
and what is right.
Here I am reminded of
words to Enya’s song, “ May it be”. May it be an evening star shines down upon
you. May it be when darkness comes your heart will be true. You walk a lonely
road. Oh how far you are from home. May it be the shadows call will fly away,
May it be your journey on to light the day. When the night has overcome, we
will rise to find the dawn. A promise lives within you now, A promise lives
within you now. “ A promise lives within all of us now and lying wait in the
unexpressed potential of this moment is the genetic material of unity
consciousness in it’s beautifully and fully expressed form, a new earth and a
glorious destiny for us all. Thank you to all of us for all we are doing to
bring this world into being!
Sarah Adams is a teacher, musician, artist, healer and
minister in the Portland area who works with children, and the creative spirit
in people of all ages. Through the mediums of music art, movement, sound
healing dramatic play, guided imagery and dream work, she helps people to
access their authentic identities and align with their connection to the divine
plan. Sarah specializes in areas of bringing hope, inspiration and nourishment
to those weary of the fear and despair that are the ever-present offspring
of the current-day grid of separation
consciousness, assisting them in illuming the path ahead and finding satisfying
meaning to the great journey of becoming. Sarah can be reached at sarahsparkle65@comcast.net, www.sarahadams.org
